Brain (s)Craps

So Christmas is just around the corner, and this year that means seeing relatives that I haven't seen in a number of years. A week or two ago I got a call from my biological father. I haven't heard from him in about three years or so. Before that I don't think I had heard from him in about five years. It's hard to know what to think since I can count the number of times I've seen or talked to him in the past ten years on two hands and still have phalanges remaining to stick in my ears and wiggle my fingers at you while making a silly face. Partly it's my fault, sure. The phone does work both ways, and I could pick the phone up any time I wanted and give him a call. It's difficult to track him down sometimes, but not impossible. For some reason I just never get that urge.

The other side of it is that this guy didn't raise me. For most of my life he was in and out of prison for different petty stuff, or just MIA in general. My step-dad has raised me since I was about three. It leaves me a bit conflicted. I almost feel like I'm betraying the man I've thought of as my Dad for as long as I can remember. I've discussed it with my Mom a few times (she's got one o them psychofrackulator degrees), but I've never been able to acheive any sort of resolution in my own mind. I still feel uncomfortable, yet long for the kinds of familial connections that my wife has. Not that my own family isn't tight knit, but they are considerably more reserved than my wife's family. My wife is Hispanic and has a large extended family with more cousins and aunts and uncles than I could even imagine.

I also have three half-sisters, one older and two younger, all of which are from different mothers, none of which I've ever kept up with. I have nephes and neices that I've never seen. I don't dislike that side of the family, I just didn't know them well growing up, so therefore I never bonded with them. I saw them once a year for Christmas, if we lived close enough to make the trip feasible. Can relationships be built (or rebuilt) so late in life?

Can a person's character change enough over the course of a lifetime that they can again be trusted with a familial relationship? I guess I'll find out this weekend.

"Where is fancy bred, in the heart or in the head?"